Well that’s stupid archive


Some big news regarding the Matthews Family Band.

I have what tech-savvy youth call a side gig. While writing is my primary passion and calling, not all writers Stephen King and Danielle Steel make money. My financial compensation for scribbling is more in the spirit of shopping list authors and toilet cubicle philosophers.

A girl has to make a bank somehow, Gentle Reader.

So I rated my skills. And what I can (maybe not) do better than write is talk. I’m also naturally friendly and someone who can talk to anyone. With the exception of Tammy Faye Baker; You and Jim had a kids show that I loved when I was little. I met her years ago and humbled myself by sobbing.

And Henry Winkler, the classically trained actor best known for his role as the very cool Fonz on Happy Days. When I met him, I lost the power of coherent language. Did you know that you can actually make this cartoon “Hummina-Hummina” sound when overwhelmed?

Anyway, these talents mean that I’m a pretty good salesman.

I got a job at a car dealership here in town. After a week of video courses and two days in which I was allowed to drive every fully loaded model (hilarious), I’m actually trying to sell cars tomorrow.

It would be extremely unethical to tell you, Gentle Reader, where I work, so I won’t. But I answer every single note sent to my contact email – just with the words.

I’ve had some surprises with this new company.

Contrary to the cliché, I haven’t met sloppy, slippery guys who wanted to sell you a lemon and steal your wives and daughters. They were all really nice to me. And no sharkskin suit among them.

Brand new cars come out of the truck with just enough gas to get them to a parking lot. Which makes sense, you don’t want a pile of gasoline tanks collected on a large truck for a long highway trip. Her friendly neighborhood vendor gassed her at a local gas station. In the past few days I’ve refilled seven or eight shiny new vehicles.

And not every salesperson has an office or a desk in the showroom.

There’s a whole room full of cubicles for the newbies and stuff. I called it the bullpen. There are also a few people in the Bullpen who make service appointments.

The other day I was at my desk when I heard one of the planners talking about locksmiths and tow trucks. When he hung up he said to me, “I could have offended him.”

It seems like the poor guy locked his wallet in the glove compartment and then lost his car keys. My colleague informed him that locking his wallet in the glove compartment was a bad idea.

“Do you think that would have made him angry?”

I replied, “I’m sure when he realized he couldn’t get his wallet, he knew it was a stupid idea to put it there. So, yeah, I think you offended him. “

I know that’s true because Petey thinks it is weird telling me not to do anything I just did that was so stupid that it sank the Titanic again.

So, if someone near you did something moronic that caused minor inconvenience or a widespread disaster, don’t tell them. I promise you they already know.

Instead, nurse, comfort, and compassionate. It may not be that funny, but it is received with gratitude and affection. And no one will be tempted to punch you in the nose.